My Fake Fiance

In honor of my grandparent’s 55th wedding anniversary I will tell the true tale of my fake fiance


My Fake Fiance

Like many female sales associates I learned early on that I would be hit on by complete strangers: many of them and often. This was just an expected nuisance and it was my job to smile politely or take advantage of the situation to boost sales- you know, whatever worked. Most of the time the comments were fast in passing from boys and men I would never see again, but like in all things, there is always an exception.

Eugene was a nice man and a regular customer who just couldn’t take a hint. When he first asked me out I politely declined. I did this the second and third time as well. He was always nice enough about it, but was also annoyingly optimistic and insisted that he would keep checking in just in case. I did what any logical girl would do: I created a fiancé. I bought a cheap fake ring, not a style I would want in an actual engagement, but it was realistic enough to fool a casual glance. I crafted my story, based mostly on a real person whom I was not engaged to or even dating at the time, but would likely play along if needed. I got my story and fake smile of contented happiness down and bided by time.

Within a month Eugene came in again. This time when he asked me out I casually showed him my left hand and gushed about my fake fiancé in the military. I told him about how we had known each other for years, but had only recently decided to try dating when he came home to visit. It was a whirlwind romance, and before we knew it we were engaged. It was the perfect alibi- with my fiancé in the military I was in the clear when someone asked why they never saw me with him or why we hadn’t set a date for the wedding by saying he was stationed far away. I told Eugene that it would probably be two years before we got married, but that we were planning on getting married in June, just like my grandparents. Then I let out a longing sigh and talk about how it was so hard to wait, but we wanted to start our lives together when his enlistment was up. Eugene congratulated me on my fictitious engagement and wished me and my beau all the happiness in the world. I applauded myself and started to write my acceptance speech for my Oscar.

My fake fiance became a running joke among my co-workers after that. We would make up all sorts of tragic ways we broke up or he disappeared when he was no longer needed, and miraculous or rom-com-worthy tales of how we got back together when another persistent gentleman caller came around.  Oh yes, my fiance has served me well over the last few years. He is the perfect match in all ways, as he leaves me alone when I need space, doesn’t care about how I look or act when I’m in a bad mood, and most importantly- doesn’t hog the bed or blankets.

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