Late April Meltdown

Writing Challenge: April 17, 2018

Prompt: How are you feeling today?

Today, I’m un-naturally calm. The kind of calm I get when I shut down my emotions to avoid a complete melt-down.

I broke up with my boyfriend this weekend and immediately regretted it. I know our relationship is complicated and messy, and often unhealthy- but I can’t let it go. Honestly, this time around we were doing much better, until the last month of neglect and isolation.

I thought about being single again, how I could be “free”. Free to leave the state when I graduate. Free to make decisions without considering another person. Free to find someone else… but there is fear. Dating in Utah is tough at my age. Everyone is married, divorced, or unpleasant.

I am overwhelmed. It’s the week before finals. I have a million things to do. A million assignments and projects to complete. I know I need to work on those things, but my motivation is gone.

What I really want to do is go for a long hike with only myself, the sky, and a breeze.

 

UPDATE: It was a tough month there, but I made it through! My ex and I are on decent terms and I don’t regret my decision to leave. I made it through finals, I started my internship, and am enjoying my summer.

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