I am in a rut.
Everything is going fine: I still like my job, I still have great friends, and I even got to spend time with my little brothers who came to Utah for a visit. In fact, everything had been running so smoothly I didn’t even notice the depression sneaking in until I was waist deep in the familiar symptoms. I haven’t been able to concentrate enough to read a book , write, or watch a movie. I’ve been bored, but also too flighty to keep myself entertained. I haven’t had the energy to go for a run or work on projects, and I’ve been tired, irritable, and stuck in negative thought patterns.
Frankly, I hate it.
Once I realize that I am in a depressive rut I feel obligated to pull myself out of it. For the sake of myself, to my loved ones, and my cat: I can’t let myself fall completely into a stupor. I owe it to my excellent co-workers, and my great landlords to show up to work and pay my bills. I owe it to my wonderful family to spend time with them and celebrate their accomplishments. I owe it to my amazing friends to chat engage with their lives. Most importantly, I owe it to myself to he happy and healthy. The thing is, being healthy is the last thing you want to do when you’re depressed.
How am I snapping out of this?
1- I’m jumping back on the horse. As hard as it is to get up and be productive, I know that I will start to feel better once I do. I am getting outside to run every morning. I’m making sure to keep my space clean and organized, and I’m setting time aside to work on my smaller goals.
2- I’m focusing on things that make me happy. As dorky as it sounds, I have made a board on Pintrist entirely dedicated to things that make me smile, and some wholesome YouTube channels filled with good vibes and positive energy. When I start to feel the negative thought patterns setting in I try to combat them with upbeat comic strips, beautiful artwork, cute animals, sweet stories, and encouraging advice. In a way, this helps me flood by head with positivity in hopes of drowning the negative. This alone isn’t enough, but it is a huge step in the right direction.
3- I’m being nice to myself. It’s easy to beat yourself up and think you are worthless, or lazy when your depression takes over. You feel too down-trodden to get things done, then feel guilty about not doing anything. This turns into a spiral of self-loathing that can easily grow out of control. Stop it in it’s tracks and be nice to yourself! I allow myself a little break, and ease myself back into my full routine. Sometimes this may require help from a loved-one, and sometimes I can do it on my own. In either case, I remind myself that I wouldn’t call someone I loved useless, lazy, or worthless for struggling so I shouldn’t do that to myself either. I do the best that I can each day, and remind myself trying is the most important step in succeeding.
Is my depressive rut busted?
In short, not completely. Once again I have to stress that depression and the accompanying symptoms are tough to combat. Over the last few days I have been improving but it is still too soon to say whether or not my rut has passed. What I can say is that today I was actually able to sit down at my computer and type out a full blog-post. This is one sign that I am doing better than I was last week. Right now I am taking it day-by-day to pull myself out of the rut and back on track. No it’s not easy, but it’s worth it to see the progress I’m making.