Bringing Mae Flowers

I wish I could write my stories as quickly as I write for work.

At my day job, I am known for my ability to research and write 1200 word technical articles in a single day. In addition to my other responsibilities, I keep the company website up to date with educational articles about digital marketing, market analysis, and software updates. I never seem to struggle with writing at work, no matter how dry I find the subject matter. So why does it take me so long to write the pieces I’m passionate about?

I’ve always been a meticulous research writer.

When I was in college I developed a well-tuned system for writing research papers. I would compile all my research into a Google Document. Each source was marked with it’s title and proper citation information. I would then go through and color-code the research by relevance. If the topic was complex enough, I’d take it a step further and create separate documents for each sub-topic. Only once all my notes were organized would I create detailed outlined my paper. At that point, the essay practically wrote itself. I already knew every point and sub-point I wanted to make, and I could easily find the supporting sources using my color-coded highlights. I still use this system for my research articles today.

This method doesn’t translate well to creative writing.

I tried to using this method for writing my short stories, but it doesn’t seem to work. That makes sense. Yes, it’s all “writing”, but the purpose and writing styles between academic writing and creative are drastically different. Why would the process look the same? The articles I write for work and the stories I write for fun seem to come from completely different parts of my brain, so it makes sense that brain seems to struggle to switch from one to the other.

It’s not that I feel burnt out with words.

I know what burnout feels like, as I have experienced it several times in my past. When I’m burned out, I have not motivation to do anything. I don’t just lack the energy to do anything, I lack the desire to. I don’t stare at a blank page, trying to write but failing to do so; I don’t even open the laptop. But that’s not what is happening now. Now, I have the desire and motivation to write- but I lack the ability to focus.

I don’t think it’s writer’s block either.

I know what I want to write. I know where I want my stories to go, and I’ve planned it all out. My mind isn’t blank. If anything, I have the opposite problem. The words are all in my head, but when I sit down to write it, everything becomes jumbled mess. Trying to funnel the racing ideas from my head and unto the page is like trying to force a roaring river through a garden hose; it sprays everywhere.

Maybe my passion is the problem.

On the surface that argument doesn’t make sense. Most people believe that if you are passionate about something, it will be easier for you. Your enthusiasm will carry you through all obstacles, and everything will be a blissful breeze. That may be true in some cases, but it isn’t always true. Enthusiasm can only take you so far. Focus and drive are also important factors. Passion without practice rarely produces anything.

None ofthis really matters.

I’m not trying to make a living, or even make a name for myself with my stories. If my stories never make it to the page, I will not have lost anything. This isn’t a problem that needs to be solved for myself or anyone else. It’s just something interesting to consider in a crowded cafe on a lazy Sunday.