Bringing Mae Flowers

I quit my job.

After writing about it, thinking about it, and dreaming about it- I took the plunge and did it. I never thought I would actually follow through. No matter how tired, how stressed, and how fed up I have been- my financial anxiety always pulled me back from the edge. But on Tuesday my frustration finally won out, and I put in my 2 weeks.

I feel like I should be anxious.

The economy is in a downturn, and there is no telling when I will find employment again. It could be weeks, or even months before I find a new job, and there is no guarantee that the pay would be the same. I may have shot myself in the foot financially, and (depending on how things go) I may never fully recover in my career. But, I just don’t care.

All I feel is relief.

I have worked at the company for nearly 5 years, and I have been thinking about leaving for 3. I have been doing work outside of my job description and pay-grade for so long, that I’m not even sure what my job is (or rather, was) anymore. I was responsible for researching strategy and methodology my product, formalising work processes, creating and maintaining ROI reporting systems, and managing my team in addition to all the work associated with my own clients. As time went on, I picked up even more responsibilities. I was helping the sales team create proposals, writing articles for the company blog and resource files, and even negotiating with 3rd party software providers and serving as primary contact for that partnership. For all intents and purposes, I was the head of my department without the title or pay. Is it any wonder that I had to quit just to feel like I could breathe?

I want to live a slower life.

Like many creatives, I’ve dreamed of living for my art. I’ve always wondered “what if?” What if I didn’t have to work a 9-5? What if I could spend my days developing my skills? What if I could take all the time and energy I spend doing work I don’t care about, and put it towards things that actually matter? If I could do all of that, I might be able to savour life as it comes, instead of watching it pass me by.

I am going to prioritise my health and happiness.

I am lucky enough to have enough savings to float me through a year or two of unemployment. This is made even more possible with the help of my partner, who has been extremely supportive through this transition. I am also fortunate to have sisters, who have encouraged me to take a path that would be better for my mental and physical health, and friends who firmly believe in me. With so many loving people around me, I know feel capable of creating a life that will make me a better, happier person.

How will I support myself?

I am applying for new jobs, but not with any urgency. For the next few months, I want to try supporting myself on my own terms. This means working for myself. I could be a writer, a painter, or a free-lance analyst. Each has its pros and cons. Writing is my passion, but I don’t wish to live by my pen- as I fear that it may cause me to write for others instead of myself. Painting is my hobby, but I don’t wish to live by my brush- as I know my paintings are reflections of my expression rather than skill. Analysis is my profession, but I don’t wish to take a break from numbers. Instead, I hope to live by the beaker. I joke that I am an alchemist. I design and manufacture perfumes, colognes,and bath products. Since I launched my business in July, I have been gaining some traction, but lack of time and energy has slowed by progress. Now, I have the time to devote to it’s promotion.

I don’t think I will be self-employed forever.

I am practical, if nothing else. I know that small businesses struggle to find success in our current hyper-capitalistic, corporate conglomerate society. The chances of making a steady living on my own will be difficult, if not impossible. I may end-up being one of the lucky few that “make-it”, but I have always been the kind of person who hopes for the best and prepares for the worst. Maybe I will be able to reach all my dreams: becoming a published writer, a successful shop owner, as well as an active member of my community and good friend, sister, and aunt. Time will only tell how it all unfolds, but for now I am content to just take a breather.