Bringing Mae Flowers

My partner gets anxious watching Gilmore Girls.

Despite the quaint, small-town setting and low-stakes plot, he finds the frequent disagreements and quick-paced quipping to stressful. I, on the other hand, consider the show to be kind of peaceful escapism. In a way, this difference is the perfect summary of our family dynamics; his family makes the Gilmores look like the Roys, and my family makes the Gilmores look like the Brady Bunch.

I’m still not sure how to fact around his family.

I’m used to dysfunctional families; my own, and the families of my exes. I’ve never been so closely associated with a family that wasn’t as messy as mine. In hindsight, it’s likely form of subconscious self-sabotage. Maybe I felt like I didn’t deserve healthy relationships. Maybe I felt that someone from a healthy background could never love or understand me. Regardless of the reason, I knew how to navigate the choppy waters of a contentious family. It’s sailing through smooth waters that has me out of my depth. I don’t know how to behave when there’s no chaos to act against.

I feel like I’m playing a role without a script.

I know my role well in my own family, and in families like mine. But the role of as healthy, functional partner to a member of a healthy and functional family isn’t a part I’ve played before. It feels miscast- like I’m an understudy standing in until the principal actor returns. I don’t feel that way when it’s just the two of us, or when we’re around friends. And if I feel this way around his amazing family, I can’t imagine how awful he must feel around mine.

We are a forming a family of our own.

I love my family, just as he loves his. We also love each other, and we love the life we have been building together. I will likely continue to feel awkward around his family for some time, and my family will likely stress him out for the rest of our lives. We are learning how to love and support each other in the new family we’ve created, and that’s what really matters.