I had a bad reaction to my antidepressants. As a teenager I tried Lexapro. Just this year I tried Zoloft. Both drugs are SSRIs, meant to increase Serotonin (the happy chemical) in the brain. Both times I took the smallest dosages possible, and both times I suffered from "Serotonin Syndrome"- a series of side effects … Continue reading Allergic to Happiness? Trying to overcome depression.
My annual bout of Seasonal Affective disorder has melded into regular depression. Usually, as the weather warms so does my mind. This year, it hasn't. It's officially summer now, but both my energy levels and happiness levels have remained stubbornly low. Despite all my best efforts and usual tricks: taking long walks, getting some sun, … Continue reading Struggling through Spring, Surviving the Summer
If you are anything like me, around this time of your you hit a rut. Part of it is the end of the holiday season and the return to the working grind. Another part of it is the cold, dreary weather. A final part is my constant companion, depression. Most people, especially those who live … Continue reading Gray January: The Winter Dull-drums
I am in a rut. Everything is going fine: I still like my job, I still have great friends, and I even got to spend time with my little brothers who came to Utah for a visit. In fact, everything had been running so smoothly I didn't even notice the depression sneaking in until I … Continue reading Depressive Rut: How Am I Working Through It
I know I'm not the only person who's been in this position, and maybe you are reading this because you're here too. Basically, I am doing great; I finished school, have settled into a job I enjoy, I have a beautiful place to live, and wonderful friends. I have every reason to be happy- but … Continue reading Things Are Going Well, So Why Aren’t I Happy?
Christmas has come and gone in an almost uneventful way. The tree was lite, the presents wrapped, and stockings hung- but the joy just wasn't there. The dull browns, the dark days, the cold weather- something about it saps all my energy. It brings out all the sadness, the despair, and hopelessness. It's as if … Continue reading S.A.D: realities of depressive disorders
Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's a common symptom to many of us who suffer from depression, but I have noticed a phenomena I call "pre-depression". What is it? The best way I can describe it is as an aura to depression, like the auras that often serve as a precursors for migraines. It's … Continue reading Pre-Depression
I'm not sure who this will help other than myself, but I have decided to document my nervous breakdown. From diagnosis to recovery. Every dark, fragmented thought, every episode, and every moment of clarity- I'm going to share. THIS WILL BE TRIGGERING. THIS WILL BE TOUGH, THIS WILL BE OFFENSIVE. These are my experiences, as they … Continue reading Documenting My Nervous Breakdown
I pull into the drive after a long day at work. I am tired and hungry. It is dark and silent. I turn the key in the ignition. I shut off the lights- But I don’t leave the car. I place both hands on the top of the wheel And rest my head upon … Continue reading If I Don’t Come Home In Time