Where Did the Year Go?

Silent Night is playing upstairs.

Somehow, without me noticing it, November ended. I didn’t write the obligatory Thanksgiving post. I didn’t post about Halloween ghost stories or adventures. I didn’t write the obligatory Thanksgiving post. I didn’t even post photos from all my colorful fall hikes. Suddenly everyone was switching from Pumpkin Spice to Peppermint Mochas before I even realized the seasons were changing again. Now, here I am, sitting at my desk with a hot cocoa and a blanket, wondering how I didn’t notice Christmas rapidly approaching.

Every hour feels like an enternity, but each week passes like a second.

Every day feels like it drags on forever, yet I never feel like there’s enough time to get things done. Every day feels like an endless list of tasks for my job, my business, personal goals (learning Spanish and German if you are curious) and family. By the end of each day I feel like a week has passed, and yet I remain shocked that it’s already December. It’s as if I’ve lost the ability to comprehend the passage of time. Everything hour is simultaneously fast and slow. I’m finally starting to understand what a construct time actually is.

This year has felt like a decade long month of March.

I’m sure a lot of you have seen memes commenting about how we are entering the “7th month of March”, or how it’s the “200th+ day of March” floating around social media. I really feel that. Since many of us have been spending our time indoors, we haven’t been going on trips, or attending big celebrations that usually mark the calendar each year. This creates the illusion that nothing has been happening and time isn’t moving. At the same time, so much has occurred this year (job losses, protests, elections, deaths, and more) that it feels like an entire decade has unfolded in a single year. It’s no wonder so many of us are unsure of the calendar’s date.

So, we’re back to December.

I can’t pretend that this year has been productive or normal. I didn’t even realize how close 2020 was to ending until I heard Christmas songs ringing in the heating vents. While I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much more than surviving this year, I’m not going to write that off. Sometimes surviving is a huge accomplishment in and of itself. As someone who has struggled with my mental health since I was a pre-teen, any year that I haven’t had a major depressive episode, a debilitating anxiety spiral, or a trauma seizure is a “win” in my book. Somehow, in 2020 I’ve made it through with only a few minor breakdowns– so on a personal level, I’m doing well. Granted, there’s a few weeks left to go, but I’m choosing to believe I’ll hold it together a little longer. If you’ve struggled this year, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. This year has really sucked. If you are still here, you’ve done a great job! It’s December of 2020, the 277th+ day of March. This year has been both excruciatingly long, and incredibly short. I, for one, am proud to day that It’s finally December and I’m still here.