Stability or Ambition

I am not an ambitious person.

Maybe I was once. Like most children I used to daydream about wealth and fame, but as I grew older those lofty fantasies mellowed into more humble goals. Most of my adulthood, my only goals has been to provide for myself in a career I enjoyed. In short, my goal has been stability.

How do I define stable?

I’ll admit my bar for stability is set low. Having grown up under the poverty line, in a single parent house hold, moving frequently, and watching my mother (whom I love and respect dearly) jump from relationship to relationship– you could say that instability was the only consistency in my life. For me, a stable life was one in which I could rely on being in one place, and paying for life’s necessities, for the foreseeable future. So, now that I have a stable job, with a steady paycheck, and a few months of emergency savings, I qualify myself as “stable”, though I am far from rich or even middle class.

Part of me wants more.

I am human, and so I am still prone to the same hedonistic desire to always want more. Our ability to adapt to almost anything has a backfire effect; we also adapt to luxury quickly. This is what leads to lifestyle inflation, and high earners still living paycheck to paycheck. The more we have, the more we want to have. But, I don’t want to be that way. I am truly content with what I have, and enjoy my life the way it is. While I could use more money to put towards savings goals, I cannot complain about my day to day life. Frankly, I don’t want a big change. So, why do I still feel the need to make one anyway?

I appreciate what I have.

Yes, I am itching to grow and try something new, but it doesn’t mean I am not content with my present circumstances. I am not a rash, or risky. I am rather the opposite; practical and anxious. Now that I finally feel steady, I find myself wondering if there is more I should aim for. To be honest, I’m not sure what I want, or where I want to be in 5 years. That is both an exciting and intimidating place to be; on the cusp between stability and ambition.

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