Bringing Mae Flowers

My great-great Grandmother lived to be 103.

She was a remarkable and resilient woman who taught school in a one-room school house until she went blind at the age of 40. She raised her children mostly on her own, and she lived independently into her 90s when she put herself in a care home. The word “can’t” was not in her vocabulary. She remained smart, funny, and vibrant until the day that she died, surrounded by family, friends, and former students. When I think about living a long life- that’s the kind I want to live.

What makes life worth living?

To live for so long indicates that you have the will to live, but what does that mean? What is it that drives that will? What makes us choose to keep going, what would make us give up on life? As someone who has struggled with suicidal ideation before, it’s a topic I’ve given a lot of thought. Ironically, it was my inability to answer that kept me from following through with any permanent self-harm. Because I didn’t know what made life worth living, I also didn’t know what made my life worth losing. But I wanted to know, and I wanted to find an answer for myself.

What about death?

Death is a part of life. Death is the last great mystery we face. Though many have strong beliefs about the afterlife, no one really knows for sure. Fear of the unknown is a common – and valid – motivator. Life, even a difficult one, is something we understand. For many people the fear of death is a good reason to keep living, but is fear alone a good enough reason? If your every day is spent in anxiety, is that any better than death itself? At some point, quality of life is a factor to consider.

I’ve never wanted to live forever.

The thought of immortality exhausts me. The idea that you can keep existing indefinitely is a concept I cannot wrap my head around, and I don’t want to. The phrase YOLO (you only live once) grasped a generation because it made us realize how precious our fleeting existence is. It’s the fact that we don’t live forever that makes us want to make every moment we have count for something. If life were to last forever, what would be the point in living in the moment? If there’s always a tomorrow, why would you do anything today?

What do I think about living a long life?

I would like to live as long as I want to live. As long as I can still search for things that make life worth living- I want to live. As long as I can still experience emotions like love and joy – I want to live. As long as I can continue to learn and help others – I want to live. But, I don’t want to live with the fear of death. Death is inevitable; it is as much a part of life as birth. I may not be able to control how many years I have to live, but I do have some control over the quality of those years. So, to bring this back to the beginning: if I can live a life just as full as my great-great-grandmother’s, then I would want to live 100 years too.