Bringing Mae Flowers

I work in two extremes.

I am either frantically trying to complete 15 tasks simultaneously, or I am binge reading Web Comics and ignoring my expanding to-do list. I don’t now how long I’ve been this way. I’ve always been a multitasker, but I feel that it’s gotten worse with time. Now my priorities are mixed. I can’t decide what is most important so I jump around leaving everything in a half-done mess. This only adds to the stress, causing me to jump around even more. It’s a vicious cycle.

It’s all or nothing, all the time.

I’m told that this is normal for people with bipolar disorder. During high-energy, manic episodes ideas and plans race through your brain, eager to come into fruition. Everything feels important and pressing. You want all your dreams and ideas to become reality now. Nothing can wait. You know you can do it all. In fact you have to do it all. There’s always the feeling that time is running out. If it doesn’t happen while the ideas and energy are fresh, it won’t happen at all.

How am I managing?

Even while writing this short blog post, I got up to do other tasks several times. That’s how far my attention span has fallen. For now, I have been “following the dopamine” as they say, and just letting myself bounce around. As long as the important things get done, it doesn’t really matter if I do it all in spurts. But, I don’t plan on allowing myself to continue this way for long.

Medication may help.

For the last two months I’ve been experimenting with various medications with the help of a psychiatrist. It’s entirely possible that this latest episode of “all at once, or not at all” mania was triggered by the medication. Though, I know I can’t blame the medication for everything. Afterall, I’ve had these episodes off and on for years. Because I’ve experienced it before, I know that it will pass. I just need to give it time.